Season 5 Episode 9

I'm not quite sure what to make of this episode. We all know Jillian wants to find true love (don't we all?) But jeepers, this chick doesn't seem to realize that love 'Don't Come Eaaaaasyyy' (as our beloved pal wild wild Wes would croon). In fact, the chances of 'true love' manifesting on this show might be downright close to nil.

On her and Kiptyn's date, they participated in a ropes course adventure. Jillian wanted to see if Kiptyn could 'protect and comfort her in stressful times.' I'm not sure if gallivanting up a telephone pole for fun equates to bouncing colicky babies on one knee and suffering from sleep deprivation and financial woes. In any event, Kip totally passed the 'love' amidst stress and duress test. In terms of their dinner date later that night, there's not much to speak of except Kip's admission to being 'impatient' when it comes to relationships. I'm not sure if ABC hides the 'real' moments from us, but Kip to me, even this late in the game, seems nothing other than a pretty face who has a talent for never having anything interesting to say. And of course, we aren't allowed a glimpse into the fantasy suite rendezvous, so its hard to tell what is going on with these two, emotionally, physically, or otherwise.

Reid.. Oh Reid. He's got this tired look about him, doesn't he? And I don't mean to say that he looks tired, no way. He's got a boyishly handsome face.. but it just looks.. worn in a way. I don't know, maybe he's a wannabe Benjamin Button. Anyway, if I can be so ironic considering the genre of the show, Reid seems to be the most 'realistic' of the bunch. Jillian is constantly badgering him about his 'feelings,' and whether or not he'd be willing to propose at the 'end of all this.' Reid shyly (but with manly conviction) expresses that he feels a bit 'pressured,' and that he is concerned about the lack of time they've had to get to know each other. Up to that point, I would conjecture to say that Jill has hung out with Reid maybe 4 or 5 times. Just a guess, but an educated one at that--In fact, more like a hypothesis given what ABC has said about how the dating system works on the show. So,this would mean that Jillian is asking Reid if he's ready to get married after going on approx. 4 or 5 dates, (with at least 50% of those dates consisting of awkward silences and/or makout sessions). I would say GO REID! --For being honest and real [as can be expected considering the circumstances] admist the pressure of proposing to a virtual stranger for the sake of reality TV. Anyway, Reid and Jill's date seemed just as uneventful as the last. Beautiful scenery, ideal environment, lackluster conversation. And again, we have no way to truly know what happened behind the doors of the 'fantasy suite.' Man, this show's so cheesy.

Ed...can't tell what his deal is either. He (or ABC rather?) flew his parents to Hawaii to meet Jillian! How awkward was that? Floral-shirt ridden Chicago dwellers desperately trying to make sense of what has been forced upon them. Future daughter-in law? Eh, slim chance, but Mom tries to have a heart to heart with Jill anyway. Ed's dad tries to play tough guy for a moment. "What the heck is going on here, son?" Then moments later in a dramatic display of familial bonding, Ed's dad chokes up and tells Jillian "I just want you to be happy." Wait a minute, why is he concerned with Jillian's happiness, shouldn't he be saying "I just want Ed to be happy... and I'm pretty sure he won't find it on a show with the worst success rate in the history of reality mannkind."

Following the feeble family reunion, Jill and Ed saunter off down the beach to try their hands (no pun intended) at lovemaking in the fantasy suite.. images of sugarplums and mistletoe fairies waltzing in unision in their heads.. undying love, Romeo and Juliet, Jilly has is in the bag.. OH, wait, just kidding. Ed can't get it up. I mean, Ed can't have sex. I mean, Ed.. stinks at life.

Though you gotta give the guy a break.. he's on this freaky reality show with cameras up his nostrils 24/7 where he's expected to at least pretend he's able to perform. Apparently, Jill is indeed cutting him a break cuz she kept him around and sent Reid back to Philly. Good luck with that Jill..

Anyway, more drama supposedly to come in the next few weeks.. let's see what ABC is gonna come up with now that they don't have crazy Wes to keep the drama afloat.

The Bachelorette, Season 5, Episode 8

Alright, well. I jotted down a bunch of notes during the show, (yes, the nerd that I am), and alas I don't have them with me. But I will attempt to say a few noteworthy things about Monday night's episode.

A.) Reid is the definite favorite.

B.) Kip is sexy but I think Jillian gives him too much credit thinking she's "out of his league" and such. I honestly wouldn't be too shocked if he ended up being a total sleazemuffin.

C.) I think we've established (and exhausted) the Wes hatred enough that further words are unnecessary. I know we all love to hate him. But maybe we should try to believe that ABC twisted and connived just a tad to make him seem extra despicable. My brother once was on the show "Elimidate," and they asked him a few questions about his lifestyle, dating patterns, etc. Without further ado, they branded him as "The Player." Granted, my bro's a pimp : ) BUT they totally cropped his image and everything he said to symbolize that stereotype. Anything nice and endearing he may have said was completely lost in Warner Bros translation scheming.

ANYWay, my point is: Yes, Wes was prodded by his "agent" to go on the Bachelorette for the sole purpose of launching his music career. Not sure why they couldn't have found him a "Nashville Star" audition somewhere (Is that show even still around?), but nonetheless, I think we should lay Wes to rest once and for all and go on with our lives.

I know this is taboo: but.. I actually listened to excerpts from his new CD online, and it wasn't half bad to be honest. (EEKK!) but to be loyal to Jillian, to women everywhere, and to the perpetual hope for human decency in this world, I will never buy his CD!!!!!!!

So, what was up with Jillian rejecting the "Fantasy Suite" option for ALMOST all the bachelors?? I guess making out with 25 guys on camera is fine.. but spending the night with 3 hot dudes, one of which "she will spend the rest of her life with," is soooo not virtuous.

One thing I keep thinking: there is NO way that once the cameramen leave, Jillian cozies up in her Winnie the Pooh T-shirt, reads Jane Austen by the fireplace, and goes to bed while SPAIN is outside her window, and 3 dudes who want her bod are probably gettin crunk at the hotel bar across the street.

I'm sure at some point, they all exchanged numbers via top secret-wrapped-up-piece-of-paper and they are all madly involved in a textual love triangle. Come on, she totally sneaks out for midnight skinny dips with Kip..

P.S: I don't know about Ed, people. He's not really doin it for me.

PART II.

The Right Brain's
my main domain.
Except

nine to five
Mon through Fri
first cube on the left,
sigh.

The Bachelorette, Season 5, Episode 7

Reid's family was awesome, probably the most normal of the family date bunch. Kiptyn's family seemed snobby and uptight. Why in the world did they make Jillian do that awkward "indoctrination" lasagna tasting?! Does ABC make these poor people do these things?? Jesse's family was cute, a tad on the hillbilly side perhaps, but I think Jillian felt really comfortable with them. (and Jesse's bro should get a haircut, eh? You can't even see where his hair ends and his face begins). Michael's family was so fun!! They are all just as goofy as him! Not to mention his twin is pretty cute. 'cuz DUH, he looks like Michael : ) But you gotta admit.. when Jillian and Michael kissed, it was pretty awkward I think for everyone involved. Ultimately, Michael is cute and fun, but a bit too young for Jillian's taste.

WES!!! OMG, I can't articulate into words how annoyed I am. Ok, actually I can. First of all, what kind of family was that?? 2 random looking "mothers," and 3 Paris Hilton-wannabes (all looking the same age no less?) My theory: he hired the "mom/stepmom" duo off craigslist, and his "sisters" are in reality, his girlfriend Laurel and her clueless sidekicks. Man, he is ridiculous. Plus, why does Jillian get all sappy and googly-eyed around him? I've never seen a shred of chemistry between them and he's definitely a painkiller or pot junkie. He has no intellectual depth whatsoever, and why, I repeat WHY did ABC allow him to play that STUPID song again? Chris Harrison lied when he said in his blog that he would appease the viewers' requests to stop airing Wes' cheesy song. Not cool Chris!

Jake!! I refuse to believe that he is a "psycho back stabber" or whatever Wes called him. We all know Jake is infatuated with Jillian, but I can't see him going through all that to confront Wes if he was trying to put one past us. I think everyone knows Wes is a phoney baloney.

Oh yes, and Jake cried. No, I mean, he SOBBED, for the world to see. Now, as much as it pulls at our heartstrings to see a guy cry, you gotta admit that its rare. And for Jake to howl and let loose like that on camera makes one wonder if a.) He is trying to milk the "sensitive boy" image so he can be the next bachelor. b.) He is mentally tormented and can't control his emotions. (next, we'll hear that he blew himself up outside her house with a note falling from his lifeless hand: "You should've given me the rose.") or, c.) He is gay. Of course, we don't want to believe that.. but you never know.

Ok, so ED. I know we all liked Ed when he was initially on the show. But his whole coming back to the show and saying "I made a mistake" thing seems a little like a set-up. I think ABC probably asked him to come back to hype up the drama at this rose ceremony. Didn't Ed seem distant and awkward when talking to Jillian? Nevertheless, she ate it all up. Jeez, trying to find authenticity in this show is like pulling teeth. But, hey we love it.

Rose ceremony: BLAH. I'm really sad that Micheal and Jesse were sent home. I guess I didn't see either of them really fitting the bill, but it is obvious that both men are 10 times more genuine than Wild Wild Wes.
Jillian didn't seem all that sad to see them go though.

The only reason I'm not boycotting this show is because I think Jillian KNOWS Wes is a joke. She knows that Kiptyn and Reid will be her top two, so she's allowing ABC to keep Wes around purely for dramatic purposes. Whatevs. Wes, you stink. You are the epitome of a crappy dude. Go AWAY.

P.S.- It must be hard to meet the guys' families. So many of them at least claimed to like Jillian and see her being "part of the family." Not to mention, she met grandmas and little cousins, (come on, why bring innocent gramma into this reality cheesedoodleness?) plus grinded with Jesse's mom and alcoholed it up wherever she went. So once rejected, the befuddled bachelor/son/brother/grandson needs to go home with the bad news. I think emotionally its not nice to put all these people through this. I think ABC should cut down the hometown dates to just the top two bachelors.

P.P.S. Didn't Jillian's dress at the rose ceremony look creepily similar to the dress Melissa wore in the season finale of The Bachelor last year?

The Bachelorette

Stay tuned for a recap of the Bachelorette after tonight's show..

Pattern of Un-Regret

"you'll know when love is true"
is all too cute, but
without further
ado-
such an over-rated
mis-interpretated,
self-initiated,
sacramentally insulting
crapshoot
of a thought

It's cyclical,
punctually pervasive.
not evasive though, I craved it.

like clockwork, I meet men
who move me
in some wistful way,
seem to mirror my ideals
and muse me.
make me smile silly-
soothe me.
until its best
they lose me

this one, I thought, "the best."
his soul i thought, was sure
controlled, concerned, carefree
at least the parts
he let me see.

then motion chokes,
I'm daunted.
stagnancy
demotes
promise like
a joke
not wanted.

Something broke
in time
despite our
cosmic jive..

he gave me butterflies.

though convo,
casual at best.
cloudy-with a chance of
deception
I might suggest

blithe chemistry was blinding
inviting
make me, hate me, hurt me , irk me

I'm a contender to myself

ruthless, it seems.

convince me that
committing is
cliche
that tired nights
and lies
would make me stay

high eyes
linger
without a fight-
lack desire to keep the fire
alive

mediocre passion
de-completes me
could not secure me
satisfy me sanctify me
caress me
forever.

I trusted for a time
that it was right
but I think in spite of that
I'm worth
the fight.

My faith relies, forgets
that love is not complex

Guilty of a hopeful heart, I digress.

senses fail when I falter-
but no regrets.

Note

"An Eclectic Triumph of Words.. "

I like that. That phrase.
Remember to use it later.. Somewhere.
Somehow,
over the rainbow maybe.
with a crossbow in tow, totally.
kiss chaos under mistletoe uncontrollably.
vengeance my verbs I'm wordy wishwash jumbledom.

Soon

This is just a blog to blog that I haven't forgotten about my blog.