Season 5 Episode 9

I'm not quite sure what to make of this episode. We all know Jillian wants to find true love (don't we all?) But jeepers, this chick doesn't seem to realize that love 'Don't Come Eaaaaasyyy' (as our beloved pal wild wild Wes would croon). In fact, the chances of 'true love' manifesting on this show might be downright close to nil.

On her and Kiptyn's date, they participated in a ropes course adventure. Jillian wanted to see if Kiptyn could 'protect and comfort her in stressful times.' I'm not sure if gallivanting up a telephone pole for fun equates to bouncing colicky babies on one knee and suffering from sleep deprivation and financial woes. In any event, Kip totally passed the 'love' amidst stress and duress test. In terms of their dinner date later that night, there's not much to speak of except Kip's admission to being 'impatient' when it comes to relationships. I'm not sure if ABC hides the 'real' moments from us, but Kip to me, even this late in the game, seems nothing other than a pretty face who has a talent for never having anything interesting to say. And of course, we aren't allowed a glimpse into the fantasy suite rendezvous, so its hard to tell what is going on with these two, emotionally, physically, or otherwise.

Reid.. Oh Reid. He's got this tired look about him, doesn't he? And I don't mean to say that he looks tired, no way. He's got a boyishly handsome face.. but it just looks.. worn in a way. I don't know, maybe he's a wannabe Benjamin Button. Anyway, if I can be so ironic considering the genre of the show, Reid seems to be the most 'realistic' of the bunch. Jillian is constantly badgering him about his 'feelings,' and whether or not he'd be willing to propose at the 'end of all this.' Reid shyly (but with manly conviction) expresses that he feels a bit 'pressured,' and that he is concerned about the lack of time they've had to get to know each other. Up to that point, I would conjecture to say that Jill has hung out with Reid maybe 4 or 5 times. Just a guess, but an educated one at that--In fact, more like a hypothesis given what ABC has said about how the dating system works on the show. So,this would mean that Jillian is asking Reid if he's ready to get married after going on approx. 4 or 5 dates, (with at least 50% of those dates consisting of awkward silences and/or makout sessions). I would say GO REID! --For being honest and real [as can be expected considering the circumstances] admist the pressure of proposing to a virtual stranger for the sake of reality TV. Anyway, Reid and Jill's date seemed just as uneventful as the last. Beautiful scenery, ideal environment, lackluster conversation. And again, we have no way to truly know what happened behind the doors of the 'fantasy suite.' Man, this show's so cheesy.

Ed...can't tell what his deal is either. He (or ABC rather?) flew his parents to Hawaii to meet Jillian! How awkward was that? Floral-shirt ridden Chicago dwellers desperately trying to make sense of what has been forced upon them. Future daughter-in law? Eh, slim chance, but Mom tries to have a heart to heart with Jill anyway. Ed's dad tries to play tough guy for a moment. "What the heck is going on here, son?" Then moments later in a dramatic display of familial bonding, Ed's dad chokes up and tells Jillian "I just want you to be happy." Wait a minute, why is he concerned with Jillian's happiness, shouldn't he be saying "I just want Ed to be happy... and I'm pretty sure he won't find it on a show with the worst success rate in the history of reality mannkind."

Following the feeble family reunion, Jill and Ed saunter off down the beach to try their hands (no pun intended) at lovemaking in the fantasy suite.. images of sugarplums and mistletoe fairies waltzing in unision in their heads.. undying love, Romeo and Juliet, Jilly has is in the bag.. OH, wait, just kidding. Ed can't get it up. I mean, Ed can't have sex. I mean, Ed.. stinks at life.

Though you gotta give the guy a break.. he's on this freaky reality show with cameras up his nostrils 24/7 where he's expected to at least pretend he's able to perform. Apparently, Jill is indeed cutting him a break cuz she kept him around and sent Reid back to Philly. Good luck with that Jill..

Anyway, more drama supposedly to come in the next few weeks.. let's see what ABC is gonna come up with now that they don't have crazy Wes to keep the drama afloat.

The Bachelorette, Season 5, Episode 8

Alright, well. I jotted down a bunch of notes during the show, (yes, the nerd that I am), and alas I don't have them with me. But I will attempt to say a few noteworthy things about Monday night's episode.

A.) Reid is the definite favorite.

B.) Kip is sexy but I think Jillian gives him too much credit thinking she's "out of his league" and such. I honestly wouldn't be too shocked if he ended up being a total sleazemuffin.

C.) I think we've established (and exhausted) the Wes hatred enough that further words are unnecessary. I know we all love to hate him. But maybe we should try to believe that ABC twisted and connived just a tad to make him seem extra despicable. My brother once was on the show "Elimidate," and they asked him a few questions about his lifestyle, dating patterns, etc. Without further ado, they branded him as "The Player." Granted, my bro's a pimp : ) BUT they totally cropped his image and everything he said to symbolize that stereotype. Anything nice and endearing he may have said was completely lost in Warner Bros translation scheming.

ANYWay, my point is: Yes, Wes was prodded by his "agent" to go on the Bachelorette for the sole purpose of launching his music career. Not sure why they couldn't have found him a "Nashville Star" audition somewhere (Is that show even still around?), but nonetheless, I think we should lay Wes to rest once and for all and go on with our lives.

I know this is taboo: but.. I actually listened to excerpts from his new CD online, and it wasn't half bad to be honest. (EEKK!) but to be loyal to Jillian, to women everywhere, and to the perpetual hope for human decency in this world, I will never buy his CD!!!!!!!

So, what was up with Jillian rejecting the "Fantasy Suite" option for ALMOST all the bachelors?? I guess making out with 25 guys on camera is fine.. but spending the night with 3 hot dudes, one of which "she will spend the rest of her life with," is soooo not virtuous.

One thing I keep thinking: there is NO way that once the cameramen leave, Jillian cozies up in her Winnie the Pooh T-shirt, reads Jane Austen by the fireplace, and goes to bed while SPAIN is outside her window, and 3 dudes who want her bod are probably gettin crunk at the hotel bar across the street.

I'm sure at some point, they all exchanged numbers via top secret-wrapped-up-piece-of-paper and they are all madly involved in a textual love triangle. Come on, she totally sneaks out for midnight skinny dips with Kip..

P.S: I don't know about Ed, people. He's not really doin it for me.

PART II.